Shit Happens

I would like to formally request an apology from the grown woman who pooped on the floor in the bathroom in my office building. What confuses me about the poop on the floor is that it occured within the confines of the stall -- just short of the toilet, in fact. If nobody saw it, just clean it up, and be on your way. It would have been like it never happened. On the Embarrassing/Gross Index, pooping on the floor is way up there, for sure, but pooping on the floor and then leaving it for other people to see is off the charts.

One of my co-workers told me that she overheard two women from the other office on our floor wonder aloud whether it happened on the way in our out. Frankly, does it matter? Is it possible that one of those ladies was actually the pooper? Ah ... throwing everyone off the scent, as it were.

Also, I think someone stepped in it.

Did this person step in their own poop, and then leave the scene of the crime? Oh, God! That's so much worse! What's wrong with you? Get a hold of yourself! You've pooped on the floor! In a professional environment!

Please, why? Please tell me that you won't come back and poop near my desk. I work here, lady. You're a grown woman. Now apologize.

Does that Contain Dairy?

This guy is going to be sorry when he loses his job.

:(

The Green You've Got or Don't Got

I don't know if anyone else does this, but I often apologize to cashiers when I hand them a twenty-dollar bill.

"I'm sorry. This is all I have."

I should say, "I'm sorry that the ATM doesn't give out anything but twenties," but that would be sarcarsm. I am saddened to say that I once felt something close to elation when I discovered an ATM in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn that gave out ten-dollar bills. I thought of all the cabbies I could pay and how easy it would be to make change for laundry. Not to mention that a ten is the bill that everyone longs to have when splitting the check with friends after dining out!

Oh no. I sound like an asshole. Lots of people would love to have the problem of paying people in twenties. This would be like some rich person apologizing for only having hundreds.

On that same note, I overheard a guy in the elevator this morning casually mention that he lives in a house that came with a tennis court in the backyard (soft court, if you are curious). He has problems, too, though. It seems that he decided to rip up the court to make way for grass, and the seeds just won't take. Oh, bother!

Well, This is Just Embarrassing

At this point, I'm just sorry that it took me so long to start this blog.

If you've seen a Domino's commercial lately, perhaps you've noticed that their current advertising campaign is all about apologizing for making shitty pizza for as long as anyone can remember. An interesting tactic for sure, but ugh, it gets hard to watch! I was just going to post a link to one of those commercials, but then I discovered this when searching on YouTube. Sir, I accept your apology, and are you going to be okay?

Another apology that I discovered via search by chance pertains to the creation of this blog. In trying to find the appropriate web address for this blog -- my first choices were being used already -- I discovered this open apology to someone. Hmm. He doesn't sound sorry to me, you guys.